Bella Thorne Is an Unstoppable Force of Self-Promotion

If the Terminator were 5'7" and a redheaded barely legal teen with fake yabbos you might still be watching those reboots. Bella Thorne isn't popular by happenstance. She's not booking movie after movie, becoming the new star client of CAA, and putting her name as producer on projects now by random chance or wishes upon a falling star. She's the perfectly designed 2016 commercial product. Big tits, not overtly sexual, redheaded, half Latina by way of an actual ass, and she socializes the shit out of herself.... read more

Last Men on Earth Podcast #44: Who Wasn't Bullied This Week?

On this week's podcast Matt and I get into the weeds on what Caitlyn Jenner might look like naked, how the singer Grimes' account of sex crimes in the music industry doesn't even compare to Kesha's bogus charges of the same, and how haute couture made from recycled Evian bottles might just not save the planet. I like to think of it as cocktail party conversation, if the cocktails being served are Mickey's Big Mouths. For when you just can't get malt liquor into your blood stream fast enough.... read more

Karreuche Tran Tight Top Leather Skirt

Is it ever possible to get past a girl's dating past? That question is so inherently sexist that it must be worth asking. This model dated Chris Brown for a very long time. Not one of those bender weekend sex partners you'd like to pretend never happened. ... read more

Ariel Winter Luscious Yabbos And Other Blessings Of The Internet

Ariel Winter is famous for being on Modern Family and having giant tits. And she had them reduced. Imagine what they would have been had she not played God and altered them.... read more

Susan Sarandon And Her Daughter Have Both Been Topless On The TV, Mr. Skin Has Proof (VIDEO)

Somebody has to investigate the important shit. You spend your time figuring out the difference between Trump and Clinton on trade. The real minds are working on which mother and daughter tandem in Hollywood have the best set of tits. I don't care what kind of animus you might against one person or another, when you discover they have class-A lady breasts, you file those personal grievances away next to the fact that the last hot girl you nailed thought Hitler had it mostly right. Bygones. ... read more

Models Sandra Kubicka and Allie Silva In Bikinis

If you see two good looking men together, they almost certainly just fucked. If one out of ten guys are handsome, the odds that two would be friends is one in a hundred. The odds that they would be straight platonic friends is even more remote. Mathematics forces you to accept the fucking assertion.... read more

Prince 911 Caller May Face Charges

Minnesota has a Good Samaritan Law to protect people who dial 911 from being prosecuted for drug crimes. They might want to change the name of it to the Barely an OK Guy Law. The guy who dialed was reportedly Evan Kornfeld, whose dad runs a rehab clinic in California.... read more

Alec Baldwin Such A Tease

Alec Baldwin flipped out at paparazzi earlier this week for taking photos of his wife who publicly and extensively documents her birthing process. He then showed up at Craig's, a Hollywood establishment which serves the sole purpose of accommodating a dozen fat sweaty tabloid photographers, most of them with extensive criminal records for public masturbation. Which is it?... read more

Kanye Fires Bodyguard

Kanye West reportedly fired his bodyguard because he was jealous of him talking to Kim Kardashian. Perhaps you have the wrong wife, she's a shitty porn star, one of the few nobody masturbates to. To be fair this is cause for concern. It would make a good season of television and Kanye's shtick has run tired as he's committed to playing an indignant toddler and kind of looks like one.... read more

Sara Jean Underwood Sexy Teases And Other Blessings Of The Internet

Sara Jean Underwood is more than just a rockin' pair of tits. She's also got an unbelievable ass. Seriously, I bow down at the altar of Sara Jean's ass for it is mighty.... read more

Rumer Willis' Jaw Bullied

Some shitty magazine cropped out Rumer Willis' gargantuan Captain Woody jaw which she took as a personal slight as opposed to just a really good idea. Naturally she considers this a form of bullying yet stopped short of using the terms rape or genocide:... read more

Shkreli Backs 50 Cent Bullying Victim

Martin Shkreli donated ten grand to the GoFundMe page of autistic kid Andrew Farrell that Fifty Cent made fun of at the airport. Shit like that gets you shot in the face. How does it feel to be the eightieth black guy to fuck Chelsea Handler? Still unclear what the GoFundMe page is for, but this might be the best thing that ever happened to Farrell and this should buy him plenty of atlases to memorize.... read more

Chris Bosh Is Gangster

Chris Bosh will miss the rest of the playoffs after lobbying the Miami Heat to let him continue playing through his nagging potentially fatal blood clot condition. The team's doctors and lawyers got together and decided he was liable to drop dead during tip-off, so they weren't on board because that would make them look kind of like slave drivers which they kind of are.... read more

Hipster Cop Enjoys 15 Minutes

This cop's photo went viral because people like cat pics and also the reassurance that police aren't trigger happy maniacs. Cody Garrett rescued the cat from a dumpster and then adopted it. Of course his name is Cody. He says he is now getting marriage proposals but his girlfriend isn't concerned. Pump the brakes on your cock cruiser. That stache has seen more jizz than a peepshow mop bucket. It's pretty common, they like those smart unis.... read more

Britney Spears In A Skimpy Green Swimsuit And Other Blessings Of The Internet

Britney Spears went from being sexy jailbait to being bat shit crazy to being gross to being hot again. Tug one out quickly before the cycle picks up again. That's not instruction, just advice.... read more

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