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BET Awards Importing Fine Slapping Ass and Other Blessings of the Internet

L.A. strip clubs are scouring the land for the finest black booty to work the stages and rooms for the BET Awards weekend. It's like a junior version of an NBA All-Star game which still leads the world in big professional ass imports. Our nation's sports and television figureheads must be ground properly.... read more

There's A Rooster Teeth Channel And They Have The Tits (Mr. Skin Minute Video)

TV content used to be the purview of a small handful of powerful media conglomerates. Now anybody with a camera and a laptop can distribute programming. Wonderful news if ignoring the lessons of YouTube giving everybody a channel. Video compression and server farms didn't cause the general population to become Vince Gilligan.... read more

Frankie Essex Is The Show

Frankie Essex is from a reality TV show in England called The Only Way Is Essex which was presumably about the locale of Essex, but now possibly the name refers to her name, which is somewhat inane, or right on level for reality programming.... read more

Alessandra Ambrosio Chesty For Glamour Spain

When given the instruction to look sexy, most models will look down toward their feet rather wistfully. It's a move mimicked entirely when their instructed to look thoughtful or deep in thought. ... read more

La Bella Reina in A Bikini

My Spanish is only so good as it needs to be to order recreational drugs below retail prices. That's pretty racist, though not by me. La Bella Reina means something close to the beauty queen... read more

Guy Blames Hillary For Hooker Use

Recently released passages from the upcoming Hillary Clinton book reveal its author may have jumped the shark. Even ardent Hillary supporters don't deny his reports of her acting like a rancid cunt are completely plausible, they still think this guy's lying. It's like how juries would say we think Michael Jackson is a child molester, we just don't think he molested this particular kid. It should confirm that you definitely don't want these people around but actually just leads to base platitudes about the justice system.... read more

Ava Sambora Bikini Bottoms and Other Blessings of the Internet

Whenever a famous hot actress or model has a growing up daughter the media insists on mentioning repeatedly how she's an exact replica of her mom. That's never true. Sometimes she's not nearly as good looking, sometimes she's better looking. It's rude to note the distinction. So let's just say, Ava Sambora looks less ferret-y than her mom.... read more

Maitland Ward Working Social Media Like a Big Breasted Energizer Bunny

There's no relationship between how much nudity a woman shows off on social media and her current level of fame and fortune. For instance, Miley Cyrus often posts pictures of her labia under a magnifying glass after soaking in a blue vinaigrette solution while many up and comers desperate for a break still insist on oversized sweatshirts at the gym photos.... read more

Kylie Jenner in A Bikini

Kylie Jenner is seeing a rapper named PartyNextDoor because all the less retarded sounding names were already taken in the rapper name generator. His name is literally plucked from an audio filter setting on a popular digital audio mixing device. SymphonyHall sounds classier.

... read more

9 Year Old Phography Prodigy Mildly Impressive

As proof that photography is not a real job and requires no special talent, a nine year old Scottish girl named Regina Wylie has become a highly sought after wedding photographer for hipster yuppies. There are still few nine year olds mixing sound boards or working to make solar cells more efficient. It's because those are grown up jobs.... read more

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